The method, in 7 steps
1. Choose the format before the date
At home, at a restaurant or a potluck where everyone brings something: these are three different dinners, with different budgets, seat counts and notice. Pick the format first, because everything else depends on it. At a restaurant nobody works but everyone pays; at home the host pays and the cook works; a potluck splits both the work and the cost, as long as someone coordinates it.
2. The right number is six to eight
Around one table a conversation holds up to six or seven people; beyond eight the table splits into two parallel dinners. At a restaurant, above eight people many places ask for a set menu or a deposit: if the group grows, ask before you book, not when you sit down.
3. One date, one time, one deadline
Suggest one specific evening, not three. And give the reply a deadline that matches the moment you need to book or shop: “let me know by Wednesday, I'm booking on Thursday”. That way the deadline isn't pressure; it's the reason you need the answer.
4. Ask about dietary needs once
Allergies, intolerances, vegetarians, people who don't drink: ask in the same message as the invitation, once, and note the answers. Finding out at the table embarrasses both host and guest, and at a restaurant it can mean switching venue at the last minute.
5. At a potluck, assign the courses
“Bring whatever you like” produces four desserts and no main. Assign the courses — starter, main, side, dessert, drinks — and leave only the recipe up to each person. People who don't cook bring wine, bread or ice: real contributions, and nobody feels left out.
6. Agree on the bill beforehand
The most awkward moment of a dinner is the bill, and it's also the easiest to avoid: say in the invitation how you'll split it. Split evenly, everyone pays for their own, or a fixed share: a rule stated up front offends nobody, while the same rule proposed at the end always looks tailored to someone.
7. Confirm the day before, with everything people need
The day before, send the restaurant name or address, the time and — if it's at home — the buzzer and floor. Ask for an explicit confirmation: at a restaurant an empty seat may cost you, at home a portion goes to waste. It's also the right moment to update the booking if the numbers have changed.
How much notice you need, and when to book
The notice grows with what the dinner costs each person — time, money, travel — and with what you have to book.
- Dinner at home for four to six — three to five days. Enough for the shopping and to get into people's calendars.
- A restaurant at the weekend — book as soon as you have the confirmations, usually three to seven days ahead; with a big group even earlier, because large tables are few.
- A potluck — a week: you need time to assign the courses and for everyone to shop.
- Birthdays, anniversaries, reunions — two weeks, and expect roughly one in five of those who confirm not to show up.
How to split the bill without arguments
There's no right method, only the one agreed in advance. These are the three most common, with the case each one suits best.
- Split evenly. The fastest and the most common among friends. It works when everyone ordered similar things; it turns unfair if half the table drank wine and the other half water.
- Everyone pays for their own. The fairest when orders differ a lot, the slowest when it's time to pay. At a restaurant, ask for separate bills before ordering, not after.
- A fixed share. Ideal for a dinner at home: the host does the shopping and the others chip in an amount agreed in advance. No maths at the end of the night.
One practical tip: if one person pays by card, the others pay them back straight away, not “next time”. Dinners repeat, small debts pile up, and that's how a dinner with friends turns into bookkeeping.
Useful apps for organising a dinner with friends
No app does everything, and none needs to. Each of these tools handles one part of the dinner well.
- The group chat. Everyone has it and the invitation lands instantly: that's why it almost always wins. The catch is that date, address and confirmations scroll away between messages, and the next day nobody can find them.
- Polls (Doodle, the WhatsApp poll). Useful for finding the right evening when the group is over eight people or the date is tricky. Below that, they slow down a decision you'd make in two minutes.
- Bill-splitting apps (Splitwise, Tricount). They track who paid for what across several dinners, and everyone sees what they owe without doing sums. They work well if the whole group uses them; for one evenly split dinner, two lines in the chat are enough.
- Shared lists (Google Keep, your phone's shared notes). Perfect for a potluck: everyone ticks the course they're bringing. The limit is that they live apart from the invitation.
- Restaurant booking apps. They show availability and let you book without calling, often for groups too. Not every place is on them, and for a very large table a phone call is still safer.
- Event apps for your contacts. They keep the dinner in one place — what, when, where, who's coming — instead of inside a conversation. They work if the people you invite use them, or if the invitation opens without installing anything.
How it works with orbiTome
orbiTome is the last of those categories. You create the event in three steps — what, when, who — pick the 🍝 or 🍕 emoji, and the place is a point on the map: the restaurant or the host's home, with no directions to explain. Your contacts who have the app can see it; for a dinner at home you can make the event invisible, so only the people you invite see it.
Guests reply “I'm in” or “I'm out”, and you know how many seats to book. The invitation is also a link anyone can open in a browser and read in full, without the app; to reply they need to install it, for free. If the idea isn't a plan yet, post it as a Wish (“I'm only going if someone else is”) and turn it into an event once someone replies.
With orbiTome Plus, the optional subscription, you can add “Let's decide by …” and “at least N”: a decide-by date, a minimum headcount and a nudge for those who haven't replied — exactly the deadline from step 3. Doing the same dinner again next month stays free. The photos from the evening stay on your phone, and the event disappears from the cloud shortly after it ends.
If it's a more casual plan, there's the general method: how to organise a night out with friends.
Frequently asked questions
How many people should I invite to a dinner with friends?
Six to eight is the number at which a table stays one conversation. Below four, one absence empties it; above eight it splits into two parallel dinners, and restaurants often ask for a set menu or a deposit.
How do you split the bill evenly?
Add up the total, tip included if you leave one, and divide it by the number of people. It's the fastest method, but only fair when orders are similar: if someone drank much more than the rest, paying for your own — agreed before ordering — works better.
How far ahead should I book a restaurant for a group?
As soon as you have the confirmations: usually three to seven days ahead at the weekend, earlier for tables over eight. Ask straight away about set menus, deposits or a time limit on the table.
How do I organise a potluck dinner?
Assign the courses instead of letting people choose, ask about dietary needs in the same message, and keep a shared list where everyone notes what they're bringing. People who don't cook bring drinks, bread or ice.
What's the best app for organising a dinner with friends?
It depends on the part of the dinner: the chat to invite, a poll only for big groups, a bill-splitting app if dinners repeat, an event app if you want date, place and replies in one place. The right test is whether the people you invite will actually use it.